Don's Blog

28 December 2006 My 29th Anniversary of Being a DAD! That's right folks, 29 years ago today my daughter Katie was born. One of the nicest moments of my life--when Nancy laid her head back and said, "We've got a little girl." Now my little girl has little girls. And they all bring smiles to my face. Happy Birthday Kater Tater.

Sunday morning I stopped by the YMCA to shower after our run. I saw so many friends coming in to workout that I decided to go upstairs and socialize for a while after I got cleaned up. As I walked around the track drinking coffee and saying hello to friends as they passed me, I took some time to reflect on how great the year has been. I saw Bill on a stationary bike and talked to him. "I was just reading about you in this magazine," he told me. Sure enough, they covered the Grand Rapids Marathon, and the article started out, "Don Kern is developing a reputation as one of the nicest race directors in the country, and his race is getting rave reviews as well." Wow! Something else to be thankful for. So, here's my year in review:

2006--my New Year's Resolution was the same as every year--to have more fun this year than I had last year.

January--a trip to Florida for some quality time with Mom & Dad. Ran the WDW Marathon with the lovely Francine, and we all took Carly, Francine's 6 year-old to the Magic Kingdom. Got listed on Nakedworldrecords.com for being the first person to be photographed naked at both poles. Started working with the Grand Rapids Running Club Mentor Program to help train people for the River Bank Run 25K.

February--Ran the Last Chance for Boston marathon in Dublin, OH. Became a professional nude model when an advertising agency paid me $250 for my South Pole picture to put in one of their ads. Spent Valentine's Day afternoon with my sweet granddaughter Ashley at her preschool open house. Took her home and we picked up her little sister Amber and headed out to the woods for some adventures.

March--Went to DC for the inaugural National Marathon with Francine. Got a $100 parking ticket for being parked in a spot that became a traffic lane after 4:00 while lingering a little too long after checking into our room. Had a fun run through the middle of Grand Rapids with a bunch of friends on a dark Saturday night with Dean Karnazes, who was in town on a book signing tour. (Incidentally, Dean is the one who took the picture of me at the South Pole.)

April--Big John just had to do a run in a town called French Lick. So Francine and I joined him in Indiana and ran a hot, hilly marathon. Also did the Martian Marathon back here in Michigan. Started writing my book, a project that could go on for years. My divorce was final. Measured a few race courses throughout the spring and summer.

May--Celebrated my 50th birthday with a couple thousand friends while wearing #50 at the Bayshore Marathon.

June--ran the Sunburst marathon, finishing on the 50 yard line of Notre Dame Stadium. Later in the month went to Denver for my annual visit with my CPA, Ben. Saw Bill Clinton speak at the Columbine HS Memorial groundbreaking. Drove up to Estes Park for one of the prettiest marathons I've ever run.

July--Met Helmut Linzbichler, Wally Burnham, and Christian Gigon for various parts of my northwest tour. Ran the Bellevue, WA marathon with Wally, followed by climbing Mt. Hood, the high point in Oregon. Met the other two guys and at Rainier National Park and climbed Rainier up to Camp Muir. Finished the trip in Vancouver, BC for a kayaking trip with old friend Kathy Hochachka. Also did the Carrollton, MI marathon with Francine.

August--went to Toronto and for the Canadian National Expo with Francine & kids. Ran some real nice runs along Lake Erie. Went to Mexico City to hang out for a long weekend with one of my best friends, Paul Ruesch, and to run the Mexico City Marathon.

September--Just to make sure I'm capable of running three marathons in eight days, I ran Fox Cities Marathon on the 24th, Bristol NH marathon on the 30th, and the next day ran the marathon in Portland, ME. My first double.

October--Hectic month with preparations for the Grand Rapids Marathon, my biggest project of the year. Ran the course the week before the actual marathon day with Dean, who was on his Endurance 50 marathon tour. Then had a phenomenal day on race day, spending most of it hanging out at the finish line shaking hands and kissing babes as runners finished the race. Deep fried a turkey at Mom & Dad's house.

November--Went to Lexington, KY for a little tiny marathon, and finished in SECOND PLACE!!! Maybe a world record for the most experienced field ever--with an average of at least 206 marathons per participant. Thanksgiving was stressful only in that I have so much to be thankful for that I get overwhelmed sometimes.

December--Sunmart 50K Texas Trails Endurance Run outside Houston with the lovely Francine. Great restful weekend. Needed after going live on a new software system at Marshall Plastic Film and working a lot the last couple months. Got my son to come to work too, so I get to see him a lot more.

Overall--had a great year. Personal record of 17 marathon-or-longer races. Ran in 12 different states & 2 countries. Climbed a couple mountains, checked a few things off my Life List. Enjoyed good friends, good beer, cool adventures. Had a blast.

6 December 2006. Sam Richie. One of the guys from Marshall Plastic Film died last night. Cancer. Sam was a great guy--knowledgeable, good worker, real helpful. Been at Marshall for years. A young man who should have had lots of future. I'm sad today.

5 December 2006. Misc. Thoughts. Big John called me today to tell me about the bumper sticker on the car ahead of him. "Honk if you're Amish." Pretty funny if you think about it. Then I went to lunch. Stopped at Mickey D's and got a double cheese burger and a milk. Went to put my trash back in the bag, but the bag seemed heavy. There was another double cheese burger in it. And two packets of sweet and sour dipping sauce. That's the first time I've ever got sweet and sour sauce with a sandwich. Carly was riding down 28th Street reading signs one day. "MickSports" was what she called MC Sports. I thought it was pretty appropriate, since they're kinda the fast-food version of sporting goods stores around here.

22 November 2006. I'm a man ahead of my time! I love leftover turkey. Sandwiches, soup, etc. The problem is, I don't get leftovers when I go to someone else's house for Thanksgiving. This year, I came up with a solution. Have the leftovers BEFORE the holiday.

I got a turkey from one of the places I work. I cooked it Sunday, had one small meal from it, then took it all off the bones, boiled up the carcass and got a bunch of broth and put it all in the refrigerator. So, for the last couple nights I've been eating turkey sandwiches. For this weekend I'm doing a big pot of turkey vegetable soup. Maybe with some wild rice. Just the thing to warm up after a long cold run.

Yes, that's right folks--sometimes I even amaze myself. Oh yeah, I need to buy some more Miracle Whip.

16 November 2006. More stupid stuff that happens in my head. I'm sitting on a bike in spin class, having a great workout, when this dialog that Mike DeVivo taught me starts playing in my head:

Who'll carry the mail?
I'll carry the mail.
Through the jungle?
Through the jungle.
What about the lions?
F*ck the lions.
You'd f*ck a lion?
I'd f*ck a lion's mother
You lion mother f*cker. I oughta tie you to a bedpost and feed you Exlax
Then I'd sh*t.
You sh*t you die.
But then who'll carry the mail?
I'll carry.............

15 November 2006. sevendeadlymarathons.com Tim Harris is running marathons on all seven continents in seven weeks. (45 days, actually). Way to go Tim! Go on his website and donate some money to his charity. On further inspection of his website, they cancelled the Egyptian marathon, so he just ran 26.2 miles in Egypt. Hope he can make up Africa when he gets done with the rest of the continents and still beat the world record.

15 November 2006 Another holiday. At least in Michigan. First day of deer season. I don't hunt, so I guess I'll just go work instead. Oh well.

13 November 2006 The election is over. It's about time. I was pretty disgusted with all of it--every time you turn on the TV, politicians were trashing each other. They'd shade the truth, try to make facts imply things that may or may not be true. It's not just the Democrats or the Republicans. It's everyone.

While us normal Americans go about our everyday lives trying to get from one day to the next, we send the next batch of millionaires and millionaire wannabes to Washington and Lansing and wherever to play their games and make the world a safe place for democracy. Politics seems kinda like Survivor, but without the witty commentary and the pretty girls in bathing suits. Looks like the Republicans got voted off the island.

So, I learned of this little tiny marathon in Lexington, KY which was to occur on Saturday. It wasn't on Marathon Guide, but it was in the Runner's World Marathon Calendar. I emailed the race director, and he quickly replied with a one-page race flyer attached to his email.

What the heck, maybe I could do Lexington on Saturday before heading over to Huntington, WV for the marathon I signed up for on Sunday.

So, I left at noon Friday, drove to Lexington, KY. I got to town about 10:00. As I drove out to the start area to make sure I knew where I was going the next morning, I came upon race director Don Hall, busy putting mile markers out. We talked for 15 minutes or so and I went to find a room for the night.

I woke up at 4, arrived at the start at 4:55, where Don had my number all ready for me. 5:00 a.m. we started the race. There were about 20 of us. We ran a figure 8 type course, heading out toward a park for a little over a mile, did a loop around the park, then back past the corner near the start for a two mile loop around the other end and past the start. Four times. The last lap would be only the park loop, then turn into the finish. After about three miles, I hooked up with Danny Keatley from West Virginia, and we ran the whole rest of the day together.

The out and back section gave us a chance to say hello to our friends as we met them on the road. Some of them are 50 state marathon runners who have literally hundreds of marathons to their credit. Denny was on about 138. I was on 131. Ray Scharenbrock was there doing number 535. I'm trying to figure out the average marathons/runner ratio. It may be one of the highest of any marathon in the country. (Out of the 12 who did the full marathon, I can document 2472 marathons, an average of 206 per runner--but I'm still missing a couple, and some of the numbers are out of date.)

We passed the start/finish area for the last time, and the race winner was already there. We stopped and shook hands with him before going out for our last three miles. As we returned and made the turn for the last few yards to the finish line, Don was waiting there. We finished in a 4:45:34, only about a step apart. "OK, how are we going to do this, since you both finished at the same time?" Danny told him that I crossed the line first. "OK then, Don's in second place, Danny in third." WHAT!?!? I had to ask for clarification. That's right. I FINISHED SECOND OVERALL IN A MARATHON.

Screw Huntington. After second place, I probably can't do any better. I headed home to brag to my friends over coffee Sunday morning.

But first, before leaving Lexington, a visit to the Lexington Brewing Company for a taste of the local brew. Their Kentucky Bourbon Barrel Ale is AMAZING. I brought 4 bottles home for a special treat.

29 October 2006. Grand Rapids Marathon. It was a great event. For all the stuff, including my 10 day countdown of emails to runners and runner comments about the race, go to www.grandrapidsmarathon.com.

16 October 2006. I'm a fair-weather fan, and it's fair weather!! Yes, I'm a Tigers Fan. I've actually watched more baseball games in the last three weeks than I've watched in the last 20 years. You know, I can actually name more people on the 1968 Tigers roster than I could name in all of major league baseball now. The cool thing about the Tigers is that they usually save me a lot of time, since I don't watch them when they're losing most of the time. Ditto for the Lions. I've got stuff to do.

9 October 2006. Nice weekend, once again. Started at the normal place--the Hideout Brewery. Drinking a couple microbrews with my friend and drinking buddy Dan Manning. Ran the Grand Rapids half-marathon route Saturday morning with the lovely Francine and a bunch of other people who are training for the Grand Rapids Marathon but pretty much left us in the dust. Did Derek's 70 minute G-Force spinning class, then went out and measured the Run Thru The Rapids course before heading home to watch the Tigers kick the stuffing out of the Yankees. Had dinner with Francine. Sunday was fun too. We had about 20 people out for a training run. I did 5 miles, then met Shawn and we biked out to the rest of the group and hung out with them all morning. At least 5 people did their longest run ever that morning (about 22 miles). Hung out with Rick & Lois, Shawn & Joyce, and the late Dr. Bob (No, he's not dead, just late.) at Joey V's and watched the Giants game for a while. Went to a Hash run but it was just Laurie and me, so we went to Plan B--just went to Logans and drank a pitcher of beer and ate some free pizza.

All in all, a great weekend. Marathon registrations are over 1300, so we've blown away last year's numbers with three weeks to go. Cool!

5 October 2006. Want to have some fun? How many saltine crackers can you eat in one minute? No water allowed. I was drinking a beer the other night with Nelsen Petersen, and he told me about something his daughters were doing. Now, hypothetically, it seemed to me like I should be able to eat a bunch of them. WRONG. When I got home I challenged Carly to a cracker eating test. I managed to swallow four of them. She got three in her mouth, but couldn't swallow it all. Crackers soak up all the spit, and it takes a long time to regenerate enough so you can actually swallow all those crackers. So, grab a kid and go have some cheap fun.

I was at the coffee shop, picking up my dishes, refilling my coffee, gathering up my computer. I was thinking, "I could really use a couple more hands." The next thought was that if I did, I'd need to get custom made shirts, since all the ones you buy off the rack only accommodate two arms/hands. Weird.

This stuff happens to me occasionally. When I was in college, I heard a Japanese student make a phone call and the first thing that popped into my head was to wonder if Japanese would go through the phone lines ok.

In fact, it was a great weekend. No real problems, other than the Saturday marathon in Bristol, New Hampshire was really hilly--one of the toughest courses in New England according to some of the guys out there.

Yesterday was the Portland, Maine Marathon, and I surprised myself--I was strong all day, ran the whole way. Going in I figured I might have to walk a few miles or something, but nope. Pretty cool. So now I know I'll be good for doing my 7 continents excursion. :-)

Friday I went to the state high point in Rhode Island. I was at the road sign before, which officially counted because the actual high point is on private property and the former owners didn't allow access. Now there are new owners, and there's a little trail built just to go to the high point without disrupting anyone's situation. So, since I was in the neighborhood with a couple extra hours, I figured I'd check it out.

Then on to Bristol, New Hampshire, for a nice little small-town marathon. The pasta dinner was made by lots of local people, with crock pots full of various homemade pasta sauces. It was really quaint. (And I mean that in a good way.

Drove to Maine after the marathon and met friends John Lent and Mary Ann Castimore at a microbrewery in Gorham, Maine and collected a beer glass from another state while enjoying a pint of Boathouse Brown Ale and a pre-marathon steak dinner.

All in all, a great weekend. Marathons, Mountains, and Microbrews. (Marathons # 128 & 129)

24 September 2006 Fox Cities Marathon. My first of three-in-eight-days marathons. Lots of fun. Marathon #127

I went to danmanning.com today and all it says is "It's my 40th Birthday. Give me $5.00." Below that, there's a PayPal link. Nice work Dan. Happy birthday. Now you've got my $5.00, you can buy me a beer.

I talked to my mom last night. Seems my grand-niece and my dad were playing ball in the living room and knocked a glass of iced tea over onto the remote. My Aunt Mary thought she remembered someone putting a piece of something into the microwave to dry it out one time. A certain male parent of mine decided to try it. I guess it was pretty exciting. They went and bought a new remote. Fortunately, the microwave still works ok. For the moment.

I heard a mortgage company advertising on the radio. "Want to be debt free?" Followed by the offer to get you debt free by loaning you money. Here I thought debt-free meant you don't owe anything. Silly me. No, my fellow Americans, the way to freedom from debt is to go borrow money.

12 September 2006 Got a long email from one of my best old friends this weekend. Reminded me of a few things.

No response before because life was too hectic over the weekend. I did save it in my new mail tho' so I could get to it. (Over the weekend, I ran 13.1 miles, did a 70 minute spin class, lifted weights, went to Meijer Gardens, saw a movie (Invincible), ran 17.6 miles Sunday morning, got interviewed by a guy writing an article for Forbes, ...) I'm having a hard time getting my mind into writing lately, with all the stuff that's going on in life. It's been an interesting couple of years. Interesting but good. It's always nice to know that I can talk to you about stuff--and even hit you up for a place to stay when I get kicked out of my home. Life doesn't hold many friendships that last this long.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, we share the same fascinations with life. I catch myself sometimes, while hiking across a mountain ridge or running on a frozen ocean, laughing out loud at how cool my life is. "My friends are all back in Michigan at their desks, and here I am, running a marathon at the North Pole." What a kick! It's good to keep in mind that THAT'S why we're working. We get satisfaction while we work, but the real legacy we'll leave is the experiences we have and the stories we tell about them. That's why I'm anxious to write more, and also to read your book of Grandpa Stories and also the one about the Terratorn (assuming, of course, I don't get eaten in the process of the story--see skull picture). Nobody, even the people you work with, will remember the job you did, good or bad. We have to write. We have to leave the legacy. Else we're stuck being legends only in our own minds.

11 September 2006 A day of Remembrance. Pretty much got through the whole day, kinda aggravated by the fact that NPR was playing the same story every time I turned on the radio. Then I watched The West Wing episode about Isaac and Ishmael. Reminded me of how upset, angry, disappointed in humanity, etc. I was on that day. Had a couple moments with tears in my eyes afterwards.

Shawn and I had just run 11 miles that Tuesday morning and were on the way to the bagel shop when we heard about the first plane. The girl behind the counter came out and told us about the next two planes. I went to find a phone to make sure I knew where everyone in my family was. All safe.

5 September 2006 OK, this is BALONEY! I spent the whole last month NOT writing about stuff because I've been DOING too much stuff. Right, that's no excuse, but let me summarize for a while:

Weekend of 18 August, went to Toronto with the lovely Francine, Carly, Rachel & Brian. We went to the Canadian National Expo, where I saw a guy get shot out of a cannon. (And you thought I was crazy.) Went to the horse races, but they were done for the day, so I went to the casino to waste $20 before we left. In the ten minutes that I was turning my $20 into $65, Carly got herself kicked out--seems they don't allow six-year-olds there. Pretty funny.

We ran 8 miles along Lake Erie on Sunday morning, and about 5 or so on Monday morning. Stopped in Sarnia at the beach and goofed off for a while on the way home.

Weekend of 25 August, I went to Mexico City to visit my friend Paul Ruesch and to run the Mexico City Marathon. Paul is a Peace Corps volunteer, and a traveling companion from way back. (Including Antarctica, Caracas, Kilimanjaro, New Zealand, the North Pole, Peru.) Drank several different Mexican beers. Visited a brewery, The Beer Factory, for post race recovery meal. Met a professional wrestler. Got a call from Ashley -- "Grandpa! I lost my very first tooth!"

Friday, 1 September. Had beers with Dan et. al. at the Hideout. Then found out Francine would meet her mom at the Radisson (where they were doing karaoke) to pick up Carly, so I went over there. After that, went to Cheers, where Dave Hill was playing and hung out there for a while. Three bars in one night is pretty unusual for me.

Saturday, 2 September. Went to Milford and ran a 30K. Speedy-girl Francine ran 2:39. Maybe when I grow up I'll be as fast as her. Maybe not. Had lunch with the Doug, the race director. Spent the evening at Fred & Cindy Slikkers' place (Francine's dad and step-mom) with all of Francine's family.

Sunday, 3 September. Ran six easy miles, with Rick & Bob & Francine, then went up to my Mom & Dad's place for the afternoon. Took Ashley and Amber too, so all the girls had a great time playing.

2 August 2006 It's Freakin' hot!!!! Yeah, so what? You read this to find out about the weather? I doubt it. Besides, it's SUMMER! It's SUPPOSED to be HOT! Don't complain--you'll be wearing sweatshirts in a month, so enjoy it.

Now, about the HEAT INDEX. Leave it to the media to create an artificial number based on how fast sweat would evaporate in high humidity vs. low humidity blah blah blah. That's it, tell us how much MORE MISERABLE we are. That will make everyone feel better.

1 August 2006 The Rules. Hey, due to lack of popular demand, I never got around to posting my list of rules until today. They have served me well. Maybe they'll serve you well too. Maybe not. Anyway, in the left column of www.cooladventures.net, click on "The RULES I live by" and you're sure to at least waste the next 5 minutes or so. (Happy Birthday, Ashley McGashley.)

A nice weekend event with the lovely Francine. Saw Pirates of the Caribbean Saturday night, then ran a VERY HOT marathon on Sunday morning.

It was a hot, steamy July morning. Overnight temperatures only got down as far as 75 degrees. Before the last person finished, it would be up to 90.

The seventh annual Carrollton Charity Road Races were held on Sunday, 30 July. Once again a small group of about 50 marathon runners would gather to run this fun little event to celebrate the end of a very hot month. The race attracts people from across the country, because it's nearly the only marathon happening in the continental US that weekend.

Two-time defending champ Mike Aldrink from Raleigh, NC, and 2004 winner Bonnie Sexton from Mattawan were on hand.

The early race was a couple notches warmer than "comfortable." It would get worse. Finishing the first short loop, a straight out-and-back, we rounded the cone at the start and embarked on the first of eight out-and-back 5Ks. Ahead of us the steam rose off a grassy field to the right of the course.

Three men, Aldrink, Mike Ehrmantraut of Midland, and Chuck Engle of Columbus, OH, ran together at the front for several loops, all looking strong. After about the fourth 5K Mike Aldrink pulled ahead, leaving it to Ehrmantraut and Engle to duke it out for second. Later, Ehrmantraut pulled ahead for a lead on second, but as they started running out of laps, Chuck had closed the gap as they lapped me for the last time with just over three kilometers to go.

I met Aldrink for the last time as he had about 2K to go to the finish. (I still had about 18K to go) "Looks like the fat lady's about to sing," I told him. He smiled and said thanks and took it on in, winning the race in 2:40:27. As they came back in with just over 2K, the other Mike had reestablished his lead on second and held it to the end.

The women's race was all Bonnie, who led wire to wire with no challenges. She cruised in with a time of 3:23:53, encouraging other runners along the way. Commenting after the race, she said, "In this kind of heat, your priorities change from setting PR's, course records or winning awards to pure survival...the challenge of just finishing and overcoming the odds mother natures tosses your way is reward enough."

Francine was 1K into her next-to-last lap and was not feeling very good. We stopped as we met and I gave her my last two salt pills and told her to take them at the next aid station. The next time I saw her she had pulled it back together and was on her way to a strong finish, winning her age group and (had there been an award for masters division) finishing as the first masters runner. Francine the marathon queen strikes again!!

The race is a great hot-weather training opportunity. Maybe the smart people were inside with the air conditioning, but those of us who were out there on this hot July morning shared a great sense of accomplishment, overcoming 26.2 miles with gallons of sweat and tons of tenacity. Marathon # 125

15 July 2006 Marathons, Mountains, and Microbrews -- The Pacific Northwest (Part 4)

We caravanned from Rainier to Seatac Airport, where the guys dropped me off at the car rental counters and then headed off to climb Mt. Baker. I grabbed a car and headed for Vancouver, BC for the final leg of the adventure.

In 2000, Paul Ruesch and I met Kathy Hochachka and her friend Nancy on Kilimanjaro. Kathy and I ended up on each other's mailing lists, and have kept in touch ever since. It just seemed that since I was on her side of the continent we should drink a beer or something. Turns out her kayaking club had an outing planned for Saturday. Cool! Kayaking is on my list of things to do!

After lots of fun getting out of Seattle in the evening rush hour, I finally got to Kathy's at about 8:40 p.m. She already had plans, and along with another of her friends, Peter Klinkow, we headed over to the Granville Island Hotel (which, coincidentally, houses the Dockside Brewing Company) I enjoyed a pint of Pelican Bay Brown Ale. Two pints, actually. We called it an early night, since we were meeting people at 6:00 a.m. for the trip.

14 July 2006 Marathons, Mountains, and Microbrews -- The Pacific Northwest (Part 3)

Wally and I drove back to just inside Washington and stayed at a fairly cheap motel and spent the rest of Tuesday resting and sorting our gear for the next leg of our journey, climbing Mt. Rainier. After a little gear & food acquisition Wednesday morning, we headed for Mt. Rainier National Park to meet up with our old friend, Helmut Linzbichler, who would be our guide for the trip. Wally has run a few marathons with Helmut, and I ran the North Pole Marathon with him back in 2003. He's a retired teacher from Austria, who now is a ski instructor at Boyne Mountain here in Michigan. He had a young Austrian friend, Christian Gigon, aka Gigi, with him. We had arranged to meet at Paradise Station that afternoon, and just as we arrived there we found the two of them in the lobby.

We checked into the Gateway Inn, just outside the entrance of the park, and went out for some plotting and scheming over supper and a couple beers. The plan was to hike past Camp Muir, on up to Ingraham Flats and camp on Thursday night. Then we would get up at 3:00 a.m. and follow the other climbers to the summit. We were going "fast and light" which meant we weren't carrying stoves and cooking stuff. Instead, we would carry enough water for the whole trip, which basically meant just over a gallon each. So, "fast and light" still meant we were carrying about 40 pounds each.

We didn't have to start too early on Thursday, because it was only 5 or 6 hours hike up to Ingraham. So, at around 10:00 a.m. or so we started our hike. The lower mountain is a sea of wild flowers, well-groomed trails, and friendly little animals here and there. Deer are so tame in the park they just ignore the hikers. At just over two hours into the trek, we turned onto a glacier. Helmut and I were in the lead, and Gigi was staying back with Wally.

The glacier went on. And on and on. I kept looking for a convenient place to take a break, but none presented itself, so I just kept climbing. By the time we were halfway up, Helmut had gone on ahead. The wind got stronger and stronger as Camp Muir came into sight, and when I finally reached it after 4 1/2 hours of climbing, the winds were in the 40 mph range. Helmut had by that time put on some warmer clothes, and as soon as I stopped the sweat on my body turned to cold water, so the first order was to get into the bunkhouse and get warmed up. Helmut went on down the glacier a little ways to make sure Wally and Gigi were OK, and soon we were all in the bunkhouse. Helmut decided we would stay, and just get up an hour earlier in the morning. Pitching a tent in that wind just wasn't an option.

We picked out spots on the two "shelves" and made our "camp" for the night. With a 2:00 a.m. starting time, we didn't try to stay up very long, even though it was only late afternoon at the time. Most everyone else in the place was doing the same. We snoozed, stayed warm, got rested.

Two a.m. and all through the house, the creatures started stirring. But every time someone opened the door, you could hear the wind howling. Going outside to the outhouse, I found that the wind was nearly strong enough to knock me over. Helmut never stirred from his sleeping bag. None of the other three of us seemed to care. We knew that trying to summit that morning would be foolhardy. Other groups that left at about 2:30 came back in at 3:00, having learned the same thing that we had already decided. We finally got up about 6:00, and after some discussion decided that it wasn't worth chancing waiting another day to see if the weather would get better or not. We packed up, gave our excess food to some of the guys who were going to wait another day or two, and headed down the glacier. The mountain will still be there another time. And I'll be ready. (Happy Birthday Grandma 'Lene)

11 July 2006 Marathons, Mountains, and Microbrews -- The Pacific Northwest (Part 2)

Monday was recovery and travel day, as Wally and I headed south out of Seattle toward Mt. Hood in Oregon. We stopped on the way into Government Camp, Oregon about lunch time, and the first place we found was the Mt. Hood Brewing Company. (Imagine that!) A pint of Cloud Cap Amber Ale and a good meal, and we set out to find some accommodations. After looking at one bunkhouse type place, we decided to go back to the Mt. Hood Inn and try to negotiate a nicer room. We played all the cards we had--AARP, AAA, "We're just poor marathon runners who came to climb a mountain.", "My grandpa here wants to take me up just one more mountain." we ended up getting about 40 bucks off the room. We also managed to talk them into cleaning our room last the next day so we could get up and down and still come back for a shower. We did a quick trip out to Timberline Lodge to check out the trailhead before heading back to Mt. Hood Brewery for supper.

Tuesday morning was an early start. We went to the Mt. Hood trailhead at Timberline Lodge ski resort. The whole climb would be on snow and ice. It was my first experience walking with ice ax and crampons, so Wally showed me how to walk with the ax, how to do a self arrest, and would give me more pointers throughout the day. We started out at 4:12 a.m. with a full moon illuminating Mt. Jefferson to the south. It was a nice morning hike, and in a couple of hours we started to see the shadow of the mountain as the sun rose behind it. As we climbed past the top of the resort area, we worked our way to Hogsback Ridge, then to the left to a very steep area called "The Chutes". Here is where the climbing got a little tougher, and we kicked our crampons into the previous day's footprints or made our own as we worked our way up the last pitch. I was in the lead when I poked my head over the rim, and to the north got a breathtaking view of Mt. St. Helens, Mt. Rainier, and Mt. Adams in the distance. A short walk across the rim took us to the highest point in Oregon, at 11239 feet. It was 9:30 a.m.

The trip down was fun too. Climbing down The Chutes, I got a chance to learn first-hand about self arrest. I lost my footing, and as I accelerated down the mountain, it occurred to me that this was just like something I had seen on TV one time. I rolled to my stomach, jammed my ice ax and the front points of my crampons into the snow, and quickly came to a stop. Hmmm..... that was pretty fun. Also a bunch faster than walking. As the angle became less steep, we started glissading down the mountain--sliding down on our butts using our ice axes as rudders. Descending was a lot more fun that way. We arrived back at the car at 12:40, taking only 8 1/2 hours for the round trip. Made it back to the Mt. Hood in time for a shower, then downtown for lunch at Huckleberry's. (State high point #20)

9 July 2006 Marathons, Mountains, and Microbrews -- The Pacific Northwest (Part 1)

She gasped as I touched her bare leg, but soon loosened up as my fingers worked their magic...

The Seafair Marathon in Bellevue, Washington was the first leg of an amazing journey. On Saturday, I met my new friend, Wally, at the marathon expo. He and I had been talking on the phone a lot, and the adventure had taken shape over the last month or so. On Sunday, we would run the marathon. Tuesday we'd climb Mt. Hood. Wednesday, we'd meet Helmut and Gigi and on Thursday & Friday we'd climb Mt. Rainier. On Saturday, I'd go kayaking with my friend Kathy in Vancouver. It was going to be an intense week.

When I first saw Wally, I knew he was a marathon runner. Small and wiry, 65 years old, he was obviously capable of a good marathon. He also had a lot more experience climbing mountains than I did. I could learn stuff from this guy.

The course was lots of hills, warm, and very beautiful. It took us past tall fir trees, and gave us an occasional glimpse of Mt. Rainier. I was running easy, pacing myself for the week to come, just enjoying the warm summer day. At around 16 miles, just ahead of me I saw Melanie go down on the side of the road. When I got to her she was grasping her right calf muscle, which was twitching from a pretty bad cramp. A spectator had come over to try and help, but didn't know what to do. I grabbed her leg and started rubbing the muscle to get the cramp to loosen up. After a minute of so, she was back on her feet, and I stayed with her for about half a mile to make sure she was OK.

Meanwhile, Wally was far ahead, enroute to winning his age group in about 3:53. An hour later, I finished. I waited around for Melanie, and also for fellow race director, Bob Dolphin, who was running somewhere around his 380th marathon.

Post-race food was good, but, alas, no beer. We'd make up for that later at the Rock Bottom Restaurant and Brewery, where I enjoyed a pint of Nisqually Nut Brown Ale and another of Lumberjack Red Ale. The week was off to a great start. (Marathon # 124)

27 June 2006 Some People Just Lack Imagination! The other day, I found this interesting "fact" on Dan Manning's website: "No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple." Geez! Some people just lack imagination! So I wrote this poem, in honor of the occasion:

No Word in the English Language Rhymes with Month, Orange, Silver, or Purple.
 
I got a new dog
He'th been mine for a month
He eath loth of food
and he runth and he hunth
 
We shot at him with a grapefruit
but fell short--we needed more range
We went for something smaller
and nailed him with an orange
 
Our servants can't be trusted
they're messy, and they pilfer
There's dust on my TV set
and I'm missing lots of silver
 
Roses are red
Violets are purple
Sugar is sweet
So is maple surple


 So, that's what I have to say about that!

26 June 2006. Thankfulness. It was a nice Monday. Spin class at the Y at 5:45 a.m. Worked at Marshall Plastic Film, created a really neat spreadsheet so customer service can do some easy calculations for our new software system. Lifted weights after work at the Y. Made barbeque from the leftover roast beef from yesterday, salad, and for dessert, strawberry shortcake (with Michigan strawberries). The lovely Francine came over for dinner. While we did the dishes, it occurred to me how thankful I am--I've got good health, good food, pretty granddaughters who love me like crazy, a beautiful girlfriend (who likes my cooking), good work to do. Life is pretty freakin' cool.

19 June 2006 Shawn's home from Iraq!!! Really nice article in Grand Rapids Press about my son-in-law Shawn, along with a picture of Amber (my littlest granddaughter) welcoming Daddy home from Iraq. (still trying to come up with the picture--maybe I'll have to scan it.)

18 June 2006 Estes Park Marathon. A beautiful 60-degree morning in the mountains for the start of the world's highest paved marathon. I was expecting a slow day, since there's a lot less oxygen at 7700 feet than at the 650 feet I'm used to. And my expectations weren't disappointed. The good part of the deal, however, is that I had an extra hour-and-a-half to enjoy maybe the most beautiful course I've ever run. Beautiful vistas were everywhere--mountains, pine trees, and gorgeous houses. Around mile 25 I saw an elk The first half was a pretty decent 2:30, but during the second half the cumulative effects of oxygen deprivation kicked in. I slowed down a lot, finishing in about 5:53, nearly two hours slower than my marathon three weeks ago.

The post-race party included beer from the Estes Park Brewery (The Staggering Elk Ale was really good!), homemade ice cream, breakfast burritos from The Egg and I, and various other yummy stuff. RECOMMENDATION: If you're not all that concerned about having enough oxygen to breathe, GO TO THIS MARATHON! You won't be sorry.

17 June 2006 Estes Park. This may be one of the most beautiful places on earth. Nestled in the mountains at around 7700 feet, this is a town that a guy could get used to pretty fast. What did you expect? I'm headed to Colorado and I found out a couple weeks ago that there's a marathon a couple hours away on the same weekend. I contacted the race director, Rick Life, and signed up. After picking up my race packet, I visited the Estes Park Brewery. (Like you couldn't figure that out.) They have a free tasting bar with little labels lined up where they will put samples of their various beers. The bartender asked me what I'd like to try. I didn't answer fast enough, and he said, "You want me to just line'em up?" "Sure." So, he lined up about eight little beer glasses on the labels, then poured three more samples of some seasonal beers that didn't have labels. It was a very enjoyable few minutes.

I drove toward my hotel and saw someone putting out the mile-15 marker, so I stopped to see if it was Rick. Nope, it was Terry, another staff member, but he told me where to find Rick. I drove back to the school and met Rick and some more of the race staff before going to check in.

16 June 2006 Columbine Memorial. Ben, my CPA and old friend, lives in Littleton, CO, and was the reason I went west. It's easier if I go out there and get all my tax work done at once. He also happens to live across the street from a park that adjoins Columbine High School. On Friday afternoon was the groundbreaking for the Columbine Memorial to be built in the park. So, we walked over and watched the ceremony, which included former President Bill Clinton as the keynote speaker. That's the third US President I've seen. I gained a bit of respect for him on Friday.

15 June 2006 Interesting Flight. The plane landed with a bump that was about as bad as I'd ever felt on a commercial airline. But wait! I looked out the window and realized that we were nowhere near the ground! It was the worst turbulence I've ever experienced. The pilot aborted his approach and circled to try again. After two or three more passes, he announced that we would be flying down to Colorado Springs to refuel and wait for the wind shear to die down. Before it was over, I was three hours late getting into Denver. But at least it was interesting.

8 June 2006 Dove Promises. Good, dark chocolate with cool little sayings inside the wrappers. I keep putting them up on my bulletin board. Here's the ones on the board in front of me:

"Be fearless"
"Go against the grain"
"Live your dreams"
"Never settle"
"Nourish your soul"
"Test your limits and keep going"

7 June 2006 Politics. OK, lots of stuff lately, but here's a quick summary: Gay Marriage Amendment--there are two kinds of marriage. 1. The government sanctioned thing where they make you get a license and put it on record. That allows them to tax you in special ways, decide when you can end the contract, makes your children wards of the state so they get to decide who gets custody and collect child support, etc. 2. The "spiritual" contract between two people within their own belief system.

In the first case, the government gets more control of people's life. Why would they not want that, no matter which two (or more for that matter) people it might be. Just gives them more ways to tax people. In the second case, doesn't the First Amendment keep the government out of that anyway?

The way I see it, gay marriage, immigration, flag burning amendments, etc., are not about protecting truth, justice, and the American way. It's about stirring up the right people (and the left people too) so they'll come out and vote in the next election. (And, just so you know, it's not just one party, it's both of them doing exactly the same thing, the Republicans are just doing a more obvious job of it at the moment.) We don't need to screw with the Constitution. We need to have legislators who are trying to make our lives better, oppress fewer people, etc. Maybe make the tax system less complicated or make it possible for us to all have affordable healthcare. Or free beer maybe.

3 June 2006 Sunburst Marathon. Now, I knew I wasn't rested up enough from last week--mostly due to my lack of desire to stop working out between marathons, but I also knew I would have a fun time and finish another marathon. After all, I was in town already, so what the heck. Francine, the Marathon Queen, however, was in for a new experience. It was her first time running marathons only a week apart, and she really didn't realize how strong she is. We started out together, but that only lasted about 15 seconds before she went on ahead. The last time I saw her was at about 14 miles, after she had just made a pit stop. I was slowing down, but she was still looking strong. I watched her ponytail disappear in the distance.

At the halfway point, they flags were still green. (They use a flag system--green is good, yellow is caution, red is make sure you're drinking at every water stop because it's getting freakin' hot, black is "we're calling this sucker off before somebody dies") By the time I got to 18 the flags had changed to red. I was slowing down quite a bit, but still running strong. People I had passed earlier were passing me.

At about 22 miles, I saw a young guy ahead of me who had obviously lost it. He had looked strong when he passed me a couple miles earlier, but now he was walking, weaving a little bit, rubbing his legs, etc. I came up beside him, whacked him on the arm and said, "Get your brain back in this game!" He responded. It was Ben Lauer, 16 years old from Elkhart, running his first marathon. He started running with me, and as a result we were both running better. We talked the rest of the way to Notre Dame Stadium, seeing people ahead of us who had passed us earlier and picking them off one by one. Having someone to coach got me moving faster, so both of us had a good finish.

Meanwhile, the lovely Francine had finished her 22nd marathon in 4:01, 27 minutes faster than last week's marathon. I came in at 4:27:59, respectable for me even though a little slower than I had hoped. Oh. Here's something interesting. A group from one of the local colleges was doing a study. They weighed a bunch of us both before and after the marathon. I lost 7 pounds during the marathon. Pretty cool, eh? Screw that Atkins stuff, I'm just going to run marathons. Marathon #122.

2 June 2006 Sunburst Marathon Expo. It was fun but pretty uneventful. Oh well, tomorrow's a marathon--can't be all bad.

31 May 2006 The FBI called off the search for Jimmy Hoffa. I'm so relieved. If it weren't so stupid, it would be funny how the government wastes so much of the money that we work for every day.

27 May 2006. Bayshore Marathon & My 50th Birthday. 12:02 a.m. Katie called to wish her daddy a happy birthday. I knew it was her even before I picked up the phone. We left early for the race to get a good spot, and parked the van (and the beer chillin' in the cooler for afterward.) about 50 yards from the start. I was feeling good--maybe up for a 4:10 or so marathon. I was wearing race #50.

Race time. Everything felt good. We went out a little faster than I thought I would, approximately 8:40 pace. It was surprisingly comfortable. I decided to keep it up as long as I could. Surprisingly, it was a long time--and at the halfway mark I was still below a 9 minute pace. Francine stayed with me until about 11 miles, then fell back a bit. She was only a hundred yards back when I met her after making the 13 mile turn.

Over the next few miles I slowed a bit, but still kept steady. Miles 21-23 were a little slower, and I realized that I would be just a little over 4 hours, but still pretty good. Just before mile 24, there were three beers lined up on a mailbox post, one of which I took. I heard people behind me, "Hey--we got another taker!" "Was that number 50? HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" I wondered how they knew.

I was feeling good all day. The run was my best in two years, and my sixth best marathon time ever, at 4:01:17. We had a party in the parking lot, enjoying some brews and celebrating. It was a beautiful day all around, running, enjoying the sunshine, hanging with good friends.

Later that night while drinking beer and eating birthday cake, Keith cleared up the mystery for me. He ran the half-marathon, which started out at the 13 mile mark and ran in to the finish. When he went by the mailbox, he told them, "There's a guy out here wearing #50, celebrating his birthday, and when he comes by here, he WILL take one of these beers." Guess I'm pretty predictable, eh?

Cool things that happened: Dr. Rick (aka the Pickle Juice Guy) won the masters division at Bayshore with a 2:54 marathon. Rich Hunefeld (a training partner) finished his first marathon in 4:27. Randy Lenz (coworker at Marshall Plastic Film) did his first half-marathon. Mike Hill (fellow Hash House Harrier & drinking buddy) finished his first marathon in 4:42. Lynell set a personal record, running 4:02. Francine finished her 21st marathon. Training partners Lynne and Christina finished skipping across the finish line.

26 May 2006 Bayshore Marathon Weekend. Went up to Traverse City with the lovely Francine. While looking for a place for dinner, we saw Keith & Denise Bryan and blew the horn at them. We all ended up at North Peak Brewery for dinner. Very nice. Tomorrow is the main event. (Happy Birthday Nichole Ball, Katherine Lynn )

25 May 2006 I'm now on pace for my 50 mile week. I ran the last six miles I needed to get me past 23.8 for the week so far, so the Bayshore marathon on Saturday will get me past 50 miles for the week. (Yes, I've had other 50 mile weeks before. Even hit 60 a couple times by accident, but I'm not going to make a habit of it.) Lynell and I did our normal Wednesday night route, but we skipped the stairs this time, since we're both tapering. :-)

It's times like this that I'm happy that we're on a base-10 numeric system. If we were on base-11, it would be another five years before I get to 50. (What do you expect? I was a math major in college.)

25 May 2006 The Gospel According to Carly. Here's an excerpt from an e-mail I got from Francine the other day:

24 May 2006 National Doughnut Day is next Friday. No crap! I found out at Krispy Kreme this morning. Everyone who goes to KK gets a free doughnut next Friday, 2 June 2006. Pretty cool, eh?

I went to the Y this morning just before 5:00. Everyone lined up by the left door. It's the one they usually open first. I walked up the door on the far right and tried it. It was locked. But Karen came and unlocked it first, so I was the first one into the Y this morning. It was pretty funny. At least from where I was.

24 May 2006 Jimmy Hoffa. The FBI has Milford torn up looking for the burial site of Jimmy Hoffa. Now, this is a waste of tax dollars if I ever saw one. 1. It's been THIRTY FREAKIN' YEARS! Whoever killed him is most likely dead. 2. They know organized crime guys killed him, yet they didn't even convict the guys who confessed. 3. If they REALLY wanted to find him, they could scrape off Tammy Faye Baker's makeup. I'm sure that's where he's been hiding all these years. (It took him a while to get used to the panty hose though.) So, please, all you FBI guys go back to catching LIVING bad guys and send the money you're using digging up the town to the Mexican border so they can buy a couple more rolls of fencing for the "bigger and better border barriers."

22 May 2006 Party this weekend. At Streeters in Traverse City Saturday night. Probably be there around 6:00 for a few hours. Celebrating my 50th birthday. Stop by and buy me a beer or something.

22 May 2006. Bigger and better border barriers for billions of bucks. (Alliteration Rules!) Put up a hundreds-of-miles-long fence using our tax dollars. Post the National Guard along the fence (it's gotta be safer than Iraq--Mexicans don't shoot or build IEDs), again spending our tax dollars. All to keep people from coming to America like our grandparents (or great- or great-great) Suppose you took the seven or twelve or however many billions of dollars our brain-surgeon legislators are trying to spend and put all that money into down payments on hotels. You could build enough hotels that just the jobs changing the sheets and mowing the lawns would be enough to accommodate all the illegal immigrants we could get. Crap, we'd have to start importing them (oh wait, I guess that's what's happening already) to get the jobs done.

21 May 2006. Nice weekend, but pretty low key. Ran 7 @ 7 route with Francine, then went to the Runnin' with the Law race that the Grand Rapids police put on. Fun event with lots of free food and a little change of pace from your normal 5K. We got to help the cops chase the "bad guys" around downtown Grand Rapids. Partied with some friends Saturday night, kind of a wedding shower for Jimi & Susan. Ran 10 on the White Pine Trail on Sunday morning.

19 May 2006 Approaching a Half Century. Tomorrow I start the last week of my first half-century. Wow. Think of all the things I've learned in that time. All the way from walking, talking, dressing myself, and wiping my own butt to reading, writing, making a living, raising children, running marathons. It's been pretty eventful, I think.

Now I'm taking all these skills into the next half-century. I'm hoping they serve me well. I still have a list of over 100 items to keep me occupied for the next 50 years and beyond. Should be fun.

Weekly goal for the "last week" is to run 50 miles--including 26.2 on Saturday to celebrate my birthday.

14 May 2006 Unexpected treats. Slept in until almost 7:30. What a bum! Worked around the house for a while, then went to the YMCA for a spin class in the afternoon. As I sat waiting for Francine before leaving the Y, this little (about 3 years old or so) black girl came running out ahead of her mother, heading straight out the door. Her mom was telling her to wait, but to no avail. I talked to her, asking if she had a good workout, etc. and that slowed her down until her mom caught up. Mom said, "OK, let's go," as she got to the door, but before leaving the little girl looked at me, flashed a great big smile, and jumped up, throwing her little arms around my neck and giving me the biggest hug. It was really nice.

13 May 2006 River Bank Run day!!! For runners in Grand Rapids, this is a holiday weekend. All my friends are there, most of them running the 25K (15.5-mile) race. Started at the Y at 6:30, hung out, drank coffee. Race time was 8:00. Beer tent afterward where I stayed until almost noon spending time with friends. Cottage Bar for a little bit of time with the guys from the YMCA. Home to rest for a few minutes while the lovely Francine picked up Carly, then off to a party with some new friends. Quick change after that, then stop at the Runner's Club party for a few minutes before going to the Symphony. Christina was one of the featured "Stars of the Symphony" and was PHENOMENAL! Went out to Sanchez with her and her family and the doctors Ganzi. Long day, but LOTS OF FUN. Think I'll do it again next year. (I was thinking of making a disparaging comment about Big John here, since he sleazed out and didn't run, but I guess I won't do that.)

9 May 2006 It's all about the stimulating conversation. My little brother said that. We're having a beer at Founders. I'm sending a six-pack of Dirty Bastard with him to give to my lawyer. Seems like the thing to do.

7 May 2006. Measuring courses again. Spent most of the day in Grand Haven, riding around on my bike, measuring. I'm sure glad it was sunny. Happy birthday Mom & Lauraine.

5 May 2006. Friday at the Hideout with Dan and Ross. We bet a beer on the Lions record for the upcoming season. Dan 10-6. Ross 8-8. Don 5-11. Whoever is wrong buys beer. If we're all wrong, we all buy beer. At least the Lions are good for SOMETHING. Jen & Billy came in for a beer. Kegerator.com is already taken as a website name. The Kentucky Derby is tomorrow, so the sports stations are playing horse races and related stuff. All that buildup for only two minutes of action. Your girlfriend would be pretty ticked about something like that, I bet.

4 May 2006. "People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working order, so they'll have good voice boxes in case there's ever anything really meaningful to say." Dr. Julian Castle in Cat's Cradle by Vonnegut.

3 May 2006. Silver Bullets. Senator Frist says he doesn't have a silver bullet for dealing with high gas prices. Governor Granholm says she doesn't have a silver bullet for the same problem. What? Are we fighting werewolves here? We can't penalize oil companies because it would hurt the stockholders and pensioners. Some moron in the government wanted to do a $100 rebate check to do something about it. Hey, that's less than two tanks of gas for most of us. So what's their point? Lots of people in government looking at the problem and shaking their heads--maybe because they figure out a little attention and sympathizing with voters will get them elected again.

Back at the ranch, however, nothing is happening. Building hybrid cars doesn't do anything. A hybrid that gets 36 miles per gallon from Ford--now that's clever. It's about the same mileage I got when I had a 1980 Datsun 210. Only a quarter century later and that's the best Detroit can come up with. Nobody's making anything that runs without fossil fuel, except for the noisy French fry grease biodiesel people, and you think there's a shortage of petroleum, how many fries can you eat?

Last year the big controversy was about the fact that big tax breaks could be had if companies bought big gas-guzzling cars. So, what happened? With the advise and consent of the government, companies bought big gas-guzzling cars. (Surprise!) Now the gas prices go up to $3.00. So the money all these people save in taxes goes straight to the pockets of oil companies. Is there a connection here, or does it just look like one?

The Lone Ranger had silver bullets, didn't he? Did he ever actually shoot anyone? Don't they call that one colonoscopy thing a silver bullet test? Maybe that's what the government is shooting for--something else they can shove up our .... that doesn't really improve anything anyway.

2 May 2006. Back to my Book ideas. Something I wrote the other day--"I just hope that I can come up with something in my lifetime that people find worthy of quoting." A couple minutes later I saw a bumper sticker that said, "Want to get laid? Climb up a chicken's ass and wait." Now, I'm hoping I can come up with a quote that's a whole lot more profound than that one.

As for other ideas--I sometimes write down stuff when I'm in conversations with other people--particularly at bars. Maybe I can work some of these things in somewhere. From the last couple bar napkins: You can buy camels in Australia. You can't turn your head and cough over the phone. "The last guy who had my job must have been a freakin' idiot." "Oh. So your job just naturally attracts idiots then?" Makes its own gravy. Terminator 2 was better than Terminator 1. Syllables are overrated. Clone cologne. Halfassedness. Assholiness. It was like throwing a hotdog down a hallway.

2 May 2006. More on Immigration. Just a quick note on what I think about the STUPID proposal that we should make being an illegal immigrant a FELONY! Yeah right, our moronic legislators decide to solve problems by lumping people who cross the border for work in with murderers and rapists, filling our jails and supporting them for life. Who comes up with this crap?!?

1 May 2006. The Boycott (aka The Day Without Immigrants.). Today immigrants (illegal or otherwise) and probably misc. liberals are boycotting work and school around the country to bring attention to the immigration issue. I hope they're instrumental in solving some problems.

Meanwhile, Melvin stopped at the Mexican Telephone Company (aka Taco Bell) for lunch and had to wait a long time for his food. In the course of the discussion, someone suggested they were shorthanded because of the boycott. Now, I'm thinking that hypothesis isn't all that sound. Have you ever actually seen a real adult Mexican working at a Taco Bell? It's mostly kids who are barely old enough to shave wielding caulking guns filled with sour cream and guacamole.

Next question--Have you ever actually seen a Mexican EATING at Taco Bell? Maybe if they were serving real Mexican food made by real Mexicans.... Would you eat at a Chinese restaurant that wasn't run by Chinese people? An Indian restaurant with no Indians? A Thai restaurant that was unThai'd? That would just be silly.

1 May 2006. Happy Birthday Little Buddy. 25 years ago today I spent the day at the Allegan hospital, waiting for my son to be born. It was a joyous occasion, of course. He's 25 this month, I'll be 50 this month.

30 April 2006. Course measuring. Steve's Raider Stomp in Decatur--a 5K & 10K. Race for the Cure in Kalamazoo 5K. Met Bob Smola, the race director for the race in Decatur, for the first time. Which is quite surprising, because he's run bunches of marathons, including all the states. Seems like we'd have run into each other before this. It rained more and more as the day went on, so we were a couple of drowned rats before we got done with it. At least it wasn't cold. Went to Bob's , changed into my running shorts and threw my pants in his dryer while we did paperwork. Dry socks and shoes were very nice.

I didn't intend to measure courses for people, it's just working out that way. It was too expensive to get someone to do the GR Marathon course, so I learned how to do it myself. Then the guys who certify courses in the area decide they've had enough, so they're referring people to me. Oh well. I suppose it's fun enough work.

29 April 2006. Borgess Half-marathon. Ran the half-marathon in Kalamazoo today. 1:56:50. My target was 1:57:30, so I guess I did OK. Don't think I could hold the pace for a whole marathon though. Went to Bell's Brewery with the lovely Francine (who, incidentally, had just finished a really strong race and is becoming a much better long-distance runner) afterward and hung out with some nice people. Got invited to a party after the River Bank Run.

27 April 2006. More Vonnegut. Finished Man Without A Country by Kurt Vonnegut. Started reading Cat's Cradle. I probably own six or seven of his books, and will probably buy more as time goes on. Good humor, good science fiction. Love the guy. "As things turned out, we had both overestimated our apathies, but not by much," one of his characters said.

27 April 2006. Cool moment of communication. Lynell looked at me, I looked at her. Eyes twinkled. Lips smiled. "OK," I said...

Running from the YMCA Wednesday night, we've discovered a nice route that gives us about six miles, but with some really nice stairs in the middle. To Belnap Park, up the hill, south a couple blocks, then turn right to the top of the steps. Run down. Run back up. Run down again. A couple hundred steps each trip.

...we took off running up the steps for our second trip. The four guys with us thought we were a little nuts, but followed us up the hill. Feel the burn!

26 April 2006. More thoughts. I've been reading Vonnegut again. He's one of my favorites. It occurred to me I haven't read Slaughterhouse 5 in over 30 years, so it's about time. It's about the bombing of Dresden. And it's about time. Billy Pilgrim, unstuck in time, experiences all the moments of his life over and over again. "Concentrate on the good moments." I've had lots of good moments. Some very recent. Some a long time ago. Some next week.

24 April 2006. Defining moment. Late one night in August of 1974 my mom came into my room and said something that changed my life forever. It was the summer between high school and college, and I had been working second shift at Evart Products. My shift ended a midnight on Friday, and the next morning I was going to set out on my 10-speed bike and ride 85 miles to my grandma's house.

Mom said, "Now, you know you won't be able to ride all the way down there, so don't be afraid to call your grandma and have her come and pick you up." Now, I don't know for sure whether she was using reverse psychology on me or if perhaps her paradigms about my abilities really made her believe what she had just said. I do know, however, that I would pedal my bicycle until I was dead before I would have stopped and called Grandma. The trip took me about 8 hours, including several breaks and a short nap on the side of the road.

I don't think my mom has given me any reason to think she's doubted my abilities since then.

23 April 2006. The French Lick West Baden Marathon. Nice day--not too cold to start. We arrived at the railroad museum where the 80 or so participants were waiting to start. A few 50-staters were there, most of whom had many more marathons under their water belts than I did. A guy from Hudsonville wearing a Grand Rapids Marathon shirt was running his third marathon of the month. The F43-50 age group huddled under a blanket.

The course was largely on back roads, so the traffic wasn't bad. We running in what seemed like a park, heading up to run through the arch in West Baden. We came back past the starting line just before three miles and headed up Larry Bird Blvd. Then we looped around town a little bit before heading south into the countryside on 145. I was trying to keep a good pace as long as possible, because it was expected to get warm later, and my body always slows down when it does that. After 6 miles or so we turned right to do a loop through a little rural area. Past a stereotypical redneck country shack with lots of scrap-metal rusty junk piled in the yard. Past a little beagle, who showed me his teeth when I went by, but only because he was yawning. Francine had just made a stop, so I could still see the whole F43-50 age group, but Rebecca had pulled ahead. Down the road and across a metal bridge then back across 145 into a little industrial park area. After we left the industrial park, the course went down a side road. The course would split, the half heading back toward town and the full marathon heading farther south when we got back out to 145.

Meanwhile, Big John wasn't sure whether he would run the full or the half. I stopped at the split and told the volunteers about him, gave them a good description, and asked them to convince him to turn left (with the full marathon). They'd have a sales job on their hands, but maybe they could do it.

On southward, and down another little turnoff, before rejoining 145 again and heading uphill from mile 14 to 16. It was shadeless and getting warmer and all uphill, and I slowed down a bit. I could see Francine ahead of me until just after mile 15 before she pulled out of site. As mile 16 approached, the hill got steeper, then we turned for another little loop and worked up to the high point of the course just before the 17 mile mark. Mile 18 was a severe downhill, with a little flat spot in the middle. It should have been fast, but it was too steep to run freely on tired legs, so I had to hold back a bit. Big John and his dad pulled up beside me, he having decided to accept the hard time I was going to give him and opting for the half marathon.

By the 18 mile mark, we had returned to relatively flat terrain for most of the rest of the race.

For several miles I could see no one in front of or behind me. The joys of a small marathon, I guess. Still it was a beautiful day, and a beautiful course. I gave up on finishing in under 4:30, and just kept plugging on. Back toward town, back through the little industrial park, and back toward the high school where Larry Bird played basketball. Rebecca beat Francine by about 7 minutes, I finally finished in 4:36, a little slower than I wanted but still feeling pretty good. Marathon #120 Next stop, Bayshore..

22 April 2006. The F43-50 age group. As we stood in the packet pickup room, another tall, gorgeous woman came in. It was Rebecca Steven from Wichita. Big John had checked her out online, since she was Francine's competition. Francine had told him to "Grow up and find something important to do." Oh. But when introductions were made, Rebecca already knew all of Francine's finish times for the last year as well. Isn't Google a wonderful thing? So, the four of us headed out to tour the course, the whole age group sitting in the back seat getting acquainted.

22 April 2006. Weekend trip to French Lick, Indiana. Big John had his 41st birthday this month and wanted to do a marathon. "I just want to do a race in a place with a name like French Lick." So, here I am, heading to the south end of Indiana, with the lovely Francine. We left Friday night to get a couple hours down the road, and decided to stop at Angola, Indiana, where there's really no place to stay. Enroute to learning that piece of information, we drove by a night club called Wacky Jac's, where the headline band for Saturday night was "Big Dick and the Penetrators." That was the most interesting thing we saw Friday night. Unfortunately (or not) we would be a couple hundred miles away by then, so we would miss the show.

Saturday morning we visited the state high point, Hoosier Hill, which is really close to Fountain City. It's the second time I've been there, but there were lots fewer mosquitoes this time. It was a beautiful spring day, and people have made it into a little park-like setting. We signed the logbook, took a few pictures, etc. and headed west and south toward French Lick.

French Lick is a little resort town with a railroad museum, a resort hotel that's built to look like a riverboat, and that's really about it. It's most famous (I think) for being the home of Larry Bird, one of the greatest basketball players of all time. We checked into Lane's Motel, then looked up Big John, who had arrived the previous day with his dad. The highlight of his day Friday had been to visit the grave of James Dean. Saturday they rode the train, which got held up by bandits. All in fun, of course.

The pasta dinner was cooked at the Beechwood Christian Church by some very nice church ladies. One of the things that impressed us most with French Lick was the genuine niceness of the people there. Everyone we encountered was nice. We enjoyed the pasta and the homemade desserts, then went to pick up our race numbers.

My number, coincidentally, was 120. I say coincidentally, because it was also my 120th marathon. What are the odds of that happening? What are the odds of anything happening? Somewhere in my book I'm going to write about coincidences.

21 April 2006. Quote for chapter 3. "Things are only impossible until they're not!" Captain Jean Luc Picard, of the starship Enterprise. (Note--I think a bunch of my quotes will be by fictional people. Maybe that's because they have such good writers. Real people have to be responsible for their own material, so they have to work pretty hard to come up with good things to say.) A long, long time ago, I saw a marathon on TV. Probably in the Munich Olympics. Or maybe Mexico City. I was impressed. At that time I was an un-athletic kid with asthma. It could only be a fantasy. I'd never be able to run 26.2 miles. But I could see myself, working my way through a very long run. It was a long time between then and my first marathon. But the seed was planted.

In the meantime, life had to happen. Two-and-a-half decades would go by before that seed finally sprouted.

21 April 2006. What my friends do for entertainment. Or, I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

20 April 2006. Single. Got a call from my lawyer. My divorce is now final. Spent a couple hours after work drinking beer with some friends. Got home and found a pie on my counter (courtesy of the lovely Francine.) Turn the page.

19 April 2006. The Attitude. Quote for the top of chapter 2: "You've just gotta have the right attitude." That's from me, the somewhat non-fictional marathon runner.

Somewhere around 1960, I remember my mom saying it was just a phase I was going through. I was four, and learning a lot about being a smart aleck. She's still waiting for the phase to end. She may have given up hope. She probably should.

In my early 20s, I started saying, "You've just gotta have the right attitude." I'm still saying it--in fact, it's become a phrase that's been responsible for most of the things I've ever accomplished. Despite not making me practice the piano, I give my mom credit for that too. She always believed in me, and encouraged me to do things. I don't know how it happened, but I came out of childhood with the idea that I was going somewhere. I was going to college. I was going to get rich. Life would be good for me.

18 April 2006 The Formula. At the top of each chapter, there's usually a quote. I'm thinking of this quote by the fictional Navin R Johnson for the top of Chapter 1. "I was born a poor black child."

The point being, I really wasn't. Navin found success, found riches, found his "special purpose" in spite of his humble beginnings, in spite of his lack of rhythm. Every good book starts out with the hero (or maybe I should say protagonist) overcoming incredible odds or unfortunate circumstances to do something great and amazing somewhere between chapter two and the denouement.

So, I'm not so sure. Our family wasn't rich, but we wouldn't have known it. We always had clothes to wear, food to eat, heat in the house, and toys for Mom to trip over. I had a brother and sister to play/fight with. A grandma to spend time with in the summers.

I'm not really compulsive, so I've never been addicted to cigarettes, alcohol, drugs. I'm somewhat above average intelligence, so school was enough to keep me interested but I didn't have to work real hard at it.

My real dad died when I was eleven. Hey, maybe that's something. But, he was really not anyone I was ever close to, and by that time I had a step-dad who later adopted us and who treated us all ok. Hmmm....Hey--I had asthma when I was a kid, so I couldn't play baseball and all the sports things I wanted to. Really, I was more of a scholar than an athlete anyway, so I didn't miss it much. In fact, I was one of the last guys to get picked for the team in gym class anyway. So I suppose I was right where I wanted to be.

So, I'm wondering--can just being a normal guy be the ticket? "Small Town Boy Makes Good." Overcomes humble beginnings, asthma, father's death, mother not making him practice piano enough, a few boiled dinners, and eating too many strawberries at Grandma's house. Now runs a marathon every month, climbs a mountain every now and then, writes stories, and ran around the South Pole naked. Yeah, yeah. Who cares? How can this crap possibly be interesting? (Oh yeah--happy birthday Tom)

17 April 2006 Just an Average Guy. In the last couple weeks, I've read books by two friends--Ultramarathon Man by Dean Karnazes, and Smell My Socks by Bob Johnson. Both held my interest well, even though any given story would go on for chapters, the experiences had me turning one page after another, looking forward to what would happen next. And, before I knew it, in relating their stories about things that most other people don't have the chance to do, they'd filled up whole books.

More than once my friends have told me I should write a book about my adventures. Maybe I'll get started. Maybe this is part of the Forward. Maybe someone will draw inspiration from the experiences of a guy who basically just shows up and does stuff. Maybe someday Big John will finally get mentioned in my blog. Who knows?

15 April 2006 Carly and the Root Beer. Carly ran her second 5K today too. Remember 40 days ago, (go back and read my 2 March 2006 entry) when she decided to give up pop for Lent? Well, she ended her fast in style, by winning the under-10 age group and taking home a growler (1/2 gallon jug) of ROOT BEER! Next thing you know she'll be gunning for age group awards like her mother does, checking to see who's bicycle is in the parking lot to find out if she has a chance to win or not.

15 April 2006 Striders & Schmohz. The plan--run Striders Saturday Classic 10 mile as a tempo run in the morning. Then run Schmohz (Brewery) 5K in the afternoon and take full advantage of the aid stations.

Striders was lots of fun. Kept up a pretty good sub-9 minute pace through the mile 5 turnaround, then deteriorated a bit to about 9:00 pace for the next three miles (which were a little more uphill). Picked up a bit through mile 9, then Mike Hill came up beside me and we paced each other to a 7:57 last mile. Part one of the plan was successful.

Afternoon, 3:00 p.m. The 5K at Schmohz was a one-mile loop, with an aid station just before returning to the start line/turnaround point. There was a choice of water or beer at the aid station. The race started, and I saw the guy manning the aid station open the cooler to bring out the first jug of beer. The heck with running--I stopped to get a beer first. It was the least-crowded aid station I've ever visited--just me and the beer guy. It also made the race more fun, because I was starting out in LAST PLACE. So, for the next three miles I was catching up with people. First mile still in about 9:30, even with the beer stop. Through the aid station again. Kept up a steady pace of drinking and running, until the end of the third mile when we would veer to the right to the finish line rather than continuing through the aid station. Once again, I altered the plan by going through the aid station first, THEN finishing. Still made it in under half an hour. Post race food consisted of beer and chocolate cake. Yummy. Sat in the sun, hanging out with friends for an hour or so. Nice afternoon.

11 April 2006 Sorry about your weight. So, I'm on my way to a meeting, but feeling a little dry so I pull through the fast food place for a drink. Unfortunately, the people in front of me were kinda slow, so I sat there for a while. Finally I pulled up to the window, when this girl who looked like she not only worked there but ate there--a lot, opened the window and handed me my drink. "Sorry about your weight," she said. I looked at her, thinking, "Sorry about MY weight! Have you looked in a freakin' mirror lately!" Then it occurred to me she had said, "Sorry about your wait." Oh. Nevermind.

8 April 2006 Saturday. Usually my heavy workout day. Today the GRRC Mentor Program went 12 miles, and after the last two weeks of running 26.2 on Saturday this seemed like a short run. Ran it, felt good, so Francine and I went to the Y and did a 70 minute spin class. I tried out my new bike shoes with pedal clips on them--pretty cool.

It's Carly's half-birthday, (she's 6.5) so I made her a half-birthday card with half a birthday cake on it.

7 Apriil 2006 Friday. Met Dan for beers at the Hideout. Called Mom and Dad when I got home--they're back from Florida for the summer.

2 April 2006 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got the copies of Capitol Times Lobbyist Guide and the Phoenix New Times in the mail from Michelle. Thanks Michelle. Next time I'm in Phoenix I'll buy you lunch.

1 April 2006 The Martian Marathon, Dearborn Heights, Michigan. No, this isn't an April Fool's joke--it's really a cool marathon, put on by some great people at Running Fit. I ran the first one back in 2001 and wrecked my van on the way home when I launched a deer into orbit over near Hastings, but I digress....

I had a booth at the expo Friday to advertise the Grand Rapids Marathon. Walking into the room there were scores of Martians (inflatable ones) all over the room. The mood was set. Running a marathon is an alien concept to most people, but this one took it to the extremes.

New course this year with fewer hills and fewer road crossings. The gun went off right on time at 8:30, and we ran by many more Martians on the way. The course is a double out-and-back, with the half-marathoners going out just past 6.5 miles then back, and the marathoners going just past 9 miles, coming back to 15.9 or so, then going back out to where the half-marathon turn was before heading back to the finish line.

After my performance last week in DC, I wanted to test myself just a bit and see if my ability to stay strong all the way to the end was just a fluke. And it wasn't! (COOL!) The whole last half was at approx 10 minute pace, and my finish was over 12 minutes faster than the one at DC. I'm feeling inspired.

What? There's a marathon in Toledo tomorrow? Maybe I'll drive down there instead of going home. OK, that was the little devil on my shoulder tempting me to do something stupid. I managed to resist the temptation. This time.

Beers and lunch at the Arbor Brewing Company with my friend Julie afterward. After a couple hours of conversation and a couple beers, I still managed to stay awake long enough to drive home. Another great marathon day, #119 in the books.

Hey Don,

Hope this email finds you in good spirits!

Not sure if you ended up ordering a Capitol Times Lobbyist Guide for the ad - if not, let me know and I'll send you one...they sent us several extras.

Also, our ad and your photo was discussed in a column in this week's New Times. Your photo appears once in
color on the "Contents" page and again with "The Bird" column which pokes fun at our ad and my boss - all in good taste though. (click here to see the article)

I'll stick a copy of it in the mail for you if you'd like!

Cheers,

Michelle
Rose & Allyn Public Relations

25 March 2006 National Marathon, Washington DC. What better way to spend a spring day? It's cherry blossom time in the nation's capitol and I'm running another marathon with the lovely Francine. We were warned that the second half would be hilly, but didn't realize HOW hilly.

At 7:00 we started, taking a lap around RFK Stadium before heading for downtown Washington. Soon the Capitol Building and the Washington Monument were in site. We continued, past the White House at around mile 5, then a little farther before going around the block and heading back east. I was working pretty hard, the temperature was just a little cool for comfort but not cold enough to put my windshirt back on. It was feeling like it would be a really long day.

At around eleven miles, the half-marathoners split off and headed back to RFK, and we turned into a park. We were out of the city and running with nature. Much nicer. But now the hills....

Somewhere between 12 and 13 is the biggest hill climb on the course (at least up to that time). Suddenly my attitude kicked in. Just before the half-marathon mark the 4:30 pace team, running a little ahead of schedule, came up behind me. Three young girls were the pacers and 3 or 4 other people ran along with them. I decided to join them for a while and see if I could keep up. We hit the halfway point in 2:13:xx.

From then on, the race was all either up a hill or down one. I knew that if I let the pace girls get ahead of me, I'd never catch them, so I put in the effort to stay with them or just a little ahead of them. We kept going, running just a few seconds either side of a 10 minute pace.

By 23 miles, it was just me, the three girls, and Renae Utti from Hovik, Norway, running her first marathon. We were on cruise control, working the hills, having fun. At 25 miles, the BS levels in my blood peaked (that's bullsh*t, not blood sugar) and we picked up the pace for mile 26 to 9:09. Renae had a heck of a finish kick and was leaving me in her dust until just before the timing wire, when she stopped for a second to let me catch up We crossed the line together, with our three pacers just a few seconds behind us. 4:24:09 was my net time, and only the third time I've ever had a negative split in a marathon.

Francine was waiting at the finish line, also having run a negative split in 4:15:03. We had a banana or two (that's the only thing they were serving), and I stopped at the Michelob Ultra truck for a couple of beers. Marathon #118 in the books.

24 March 2006 You're Not From Around Here, Are You? Washington DC, 3:50 Friday. We pulled up to the Crown Plaza to check in, figuring we'd park at a meter, check in, then find out about where we were supposed to park. Surprise, right around the corner is an open meter. We put three quarters in the meter, which gave us 48 minutes.

We went in, checked in, and took our stuff up to the room. We decided to "relax" for a few minutes after traveling all day, and since we had time left on the meter.....

4:35. We got back to the car, but the meter was at 0:00 and there was a ticket on the car. $100.00!!!! A little X in the box on it that says "Tow Req." In Washington DC, on that street, the meters are only usable until rush hour starts at 4:00. After that, there's no parking. Fortunately, the tow truck hadn't shown up yet.

Anyway, it was $100 well spent. But after driving around for a while, we decided to leave the car with valet parking and avoid the meters.

20 March 2006 Melissa and the Turkey. A turkey flew into the side of Melissa's car this weekend. Kinda silly, for a bird that has no business flying. I'm just imagining this turkey saying to his buddies, "Hey--I think I've got it now--watch this....." Full of confidence, he takes off flying. He turns to look back at his friends, smiling and showing off his newfound skill. SMACK! Right into the side of Melissa's car. She stopped to see if she could see the turkey, and he was nowhere around. All of his friends, however, could be heard rolling on the ground laughing their turkey asses off.

It's no wonder they call them TURKEYS. (Melissa Martin is one of my coworkers at Marshall Plastic Film)

20 March 2006 Cool Weekend. Microbrews on Friday with Dan, Brian, other guys at the Hideout. Went to Rachel's Kent Philharmonia Orchestra concert and stayed awake through the whole thing! Ran 10 miles Saturday morning, went to dinner and the Ballet and saw Peter Pan Saturday night with the lovely Francine. What a cultured sucker I am this weekend. Set a trail for a hash run Sunday morning, then ran it with the Grand Rapids Hash House Harriers in the afternoon. Fell asleep before the opening credits of West Wing, but saw the last 15 minutes of it. Oh well--the rerun is on Bravo tonight anyway.

17 March 2006 St. Patrick's Day. Today it occurs to me that there's something missing on my Life List. Kissing the Blarney Stone. Basically you have to hang upside down by your feet at the top of Blarney Castle to do it.

Other stuff on the list: Running with the Bulls in Barcelona. Swimming in all 5 Great Lakes. Climb Mt. McKinley. See a total Solar Eclipse. Do the commencement address at my old high school. Break a world record. I keep at least 100 things on the list. Keeps me motivated. Problem is, every time I do something, the people I do it with fill my head with ten more things that sound like a lot of fun. Damn them!

15 March 2006 The Noon Whistle. I'm in Coopersville on most Wednesdays, one of the few small towns that still has a noon whistle every day. It's the way they test the local fire siren. It always reminds me of growing up in Barryton. Because my dad was on the volunteer fire department, not only could we hear the noon whistle outside, we could hear it through the speaker that was mounted on the wall by the telephone. When there was a fire in town, the fire siren would go off, and we'd hear the siren over the speaker. One time, my dad stepped on a mop just as the siren was going off only about six feet away. Scared the heck out of Dad because he thought he had stepped on the cat.

13 March 2006 Great Weekend. Dean Karnazes, UltraMarathon Man was in town signing books at Schulers on Saturday night. In 2002, he and I spent nearly a month together on a trip to the South Pole. It was great to see him again. After the signing at the 28th Street store, Dean, Francine, Mike, Ellie, Rudy, Andrew, and I ran the 12 miles to the Alpine store with him. What a great night--it was 55 degrees at 11:00 p.m. that night.

Sunday morning made blueberry scones and Starbucks coffee, had scones and clotted cream for breakfast with Francine.

7 March 2006 Spring is springing. I feel good. Started the day with a spin class at 5:45 at the Y. Work at the Urban Mill and a meeting at 8:30. Another meeting at 10:00, then a haircut. Met the guys at the Y for a noon run. The day is feeling great so far.

A long, long time ago, I told my kids the poem -- "Spring has sprung, the grass has riz. I wonder where, the flowers is." To which my four-years-old-at-the-time son replied, "I wonder where the flowers ARE!"

6 March 2006 Great News! Roller Derby is BACK! There's actually a roller derby team here in Grand Rapids. Or two of them under one organization? The Grand Raggedy Girls (http://www.gr-rollergirls.com/) play their first exhibition match on April 1. Only 10 bucks. Anybody want to go? Drink a couple beers and watch a bunch of women whup on each other. Sounds like a great "guy night" to me.

Showed Ann my check from selling the South Pole picture. "You didn't spend it all on clothes, I hope," was her comment.

Oh yeah--I'm actually IN the Guinness Book of World Records. Me, and 38,705 of my best friends, that is:

2 March 2006 More Lent stuff. Carly (age 6) is taking Catechism classes now, so she's learned about Lent. She's giving up pop. So, of course, when she was over last night, I yelled from the kitchen to the living room, "Hey Carly, you want a pop?" "No, I can't." "Why not?" "I'm giving it up for.....What kind of pop?"

By the way, I was at Meijer today and, of all things, they had artichoke hearts on sale.

1 March 2006 Darn it. Had lunch yesterday and the pastrami sandwich I had really didn't settle well. Spent the afternoon pretty much napping or wishing I was napping. So much for Fat Tuesday. Didn't do anything the rest of the day but lie around wondering when my stomach was going to start feeling better. Back to work today, but wondering if I'm going to stay here all day. Still in possession of my collection on beads. Maybe next year.

28 February 2006 Fat Tuesday Mardi Gras. Interesting concept. Create a period of time (40 days) to deny yourself something. Then, it must be reasonable that the day before the 40 days starts, you go overboard with self-indulgence. It's a wonderful thing.

As a Third-Reformed Antagonist, it's nice because we can choose to observe or not observe religious holidays and festivals. I think I'll choose to observe Mardi Gras. Drink a couple beers, try to trade my collection of Mardi Gras beads for a chance to see some boobs. Sounds like fun.

Now, as for Lent. I think I'll deny myself a few things, just to further build some character. Skydiving. Artichoke hearts. Pickled Pigs Feet. Basket Weaving. Sex with my ex-wife. Oh--and pomegranates.

26 February 2006 Last Chance for Boston Marathon. Dublin, Ohio. So-called because it's the right at the end of the Boston qualification period. I'm just in the middle of it so I can continue my once-a-month streak (currently at 36 months). The course is right up my alley--a one mile course, repeat just over twenty six times.

Checked into the Residence Inn--great place with kitchenette and fireplace. Headed out to Barley's Smokehouse and Brewery for some barbequed salmon and a pint of Robert Burns Scottish Export Ale. (My personal favorite way to carbo-load.)

The whole day was like one chronic case of deja vu. A good day for a winter marathon though--high teens to low twenties throughout. Never felt too cold or too warm. The first quarter-mile was with the wind at our backs, and I frequently took my mittens off during that stretch. Just before the half-mark mile we turned left into the wind where I put them back on. The three-quarter mile mark was within site of the finish line, so a few spectators would always be hanging around the general area. Then there was the Finish Line. Repeat 26 times.

Little nuances helped make it interesting. The same people would lap me over and over. I'd do the same to others. The aid station would accumulate a little more ice on every lap, and after about 10 miles they salted it real well so we didn't slip. Dan Waugh and Mike Shooks from GR were there and we always encouraged each other as they passed me. Old friend Dave Dwornik was there too, passing me at least 5 times during the morning. A girl with short shorts passed me about four times during the day, her legs bright pink from the cold. A guy with a polar bear on the back of his jacket and a guy with a white Myrtle Beach shirt passed me a few times. I passed 50-stater Bill Whipp about 4 times and encouraged him on the way.

Finally the run was over, though it could as well have lasted all day--you kinda get a rhythm going after that long and could just go on forever. Date 2/26. My race number was 226. It was my 117th marathon. (Happy Birthday Nancy.)

23 February 2006 Cows and Earthquakes. Katie (my daughter) told me about the joke Ashley told her a couple days ago. (Ashley's 4 years old but full of about 10 years worth of baloney.) "What do you get when a cow is in a an earthquake." The obvious answer is a milkshake, of course. But when Ashley told it to Katie, she had to explain, "See, a cow gives milk, then the earthquake shakes it all up...." So yesterday, Katie asked her if she wanted to call Grandpa and tell the joke. She starts out: "Knock knock." (Now, I knew what joke she was going to tell me, so I was confused already.) Katie in background: "It's not a knock knock joke, you nut." Me: "Who's there?" Ashley: "A cow." Me: "A cow who?" Ashley: "Well, you see, there's this cow.... and it got in a volcano.... and the milk got.... no wait....the cow....You want to talk to my sister Amber?"

22 February 2006 Professional Nude Model. Interesting day yesterday. Went to renew my license plate and get the renewal date moved to my birthday rather than my (soon to be ex-) wife's birthday. Decided to renew my drivers license while I was there too. "Oh... we can't do that because your license is suspended...in Arizona." OK, in 2001 I got a speeding ticket there, but try to locate a cancelled check from 5 years ago. Called Arizona and waited on hold for 35 minutes, only to find out I needed to call the county court where I got the ticket. Only on hold for 10 minutes there. Found out that it was cleared up long ago and they just needed to notify the state people. Still, I have to send $10 to Arizona to fix the problem. Pretty cheap.

So, a couple hours later I get a call--from an Arizona area code! What now? It was Michelle Donati from Rose & Allyn Public Relations. She had also just sent me an e-mail, which I pulled up and read while we were talking. Seems they're doing an ad campaign and wanted to use a picture from my website. Yes, you guessed it--the picture of me naked at the South Pole!

"Just what the hell kind of message are you trying to convey here?" I asked her. Seems they're targeting lobbyists or something, with the idea "There's no such thing as too much exposure."

So, Michelle offers to pay me $250 to use my picture, and I send her the high-resolution copy I have on my computer. You probably know I have a "Life List" in my computer. Being a professional nude model wasn't on it. But what the heck.

15 February 2006 Hunting Accidents. Imagine this--you're hunting with a friend, and you accidentally shoot him. Are you upset? Is his wellbeing, his family, doing whatever it takes to make things better your first priority? Or should you just drop everything right then and start contacting all the local TV stations and newspapers and issuing press releases. As my friend Dan would say, "Jesus H Christ on a Pogo Stick!" Give the guy a break! So what if it took a day to get around to notifying the press so they could then give us a detailed blow-by-blow of where every freakin' shotgun pellet happens to be in the guy's body. What's the problem if we don't know everything the instant it happens?! Is there some big national security problem with this? Hell no! Is my life affected if some 78-year-old millionaire Republican has birdshot in his finger? I sure as heck hope not! It was an ACCIDENT. Let the people involved deal with it instead of dealing with the press.

14 February 2006 It's Valentine's Day. And one of my sweetest girls in the world invited me for a very special event--Grandparent's Day at preschool. Ashley was her usual excited self when she saw me. "Grandpa Don!" she yelled and came and jumped into my arms. We read a book, she taught me a new song, and I watched her eat a cupcake with frosting that was nearly as big as the cupcake itself. Went home and explored in the woods and then went and got little sister Amber from daycare before mom got home. A great afternoon with my favorite girls!

13 February 2006 Single lines that I thought were pretty funny: "So - anyone else feel just a little weird when clicking on the photo of the jogbra to 'enlarge'?" - from Mary Harada on the Dead Runners Society mailing list.
"My kids took advantage of the day off school to set up the trampoline in the living room." from Sue Hill a couple weeks ago.

2 February 2006 Groundhog Day. So, is anyone having pork sausage today? It IS ground hog day, is it not? Oh, by the way, the groundhog saw his shadow, so we're having six more weeks of winter. Duh! And, on a subject related to pork--namely the Congress--they too must have seen their shadows, and gave us a five week extension of the Patriot Act. I'd bet money that they discussed a six week extension and KNEW that someone would compare them to groundhogs. (See my entry on January 3, below.) Oh yeah--Happy Birthday Maureen Pluger.

26 January 2006 On the subject of world records. On my list of things to do in life is to set a world record, but I'm kinda hoping to get in the Guinness book. So, while the naked one MIGHT be cool, I'm still gonna go for a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records. Let's see, the record for the longest paperclip chain is only about a mile and a quarter long....

25 January 2006 World Record? I got an email this morning. Pretty freaking funny:

SO--you can find me online at nakedworldrecords.com. By the way, it was April 18th, 2003, and the temperature was about -25 F/- 32C during both events. (Of course it was hard, it was frozen!!)

7 January 2006 The Magic Kingdom. Spent the day at the Magic Kingdom with Mom & Dad, Francine and Carly. It was a kick doing Disney with a six year old. Last ride of the day was in Tomorrow Land, where we waited to ride an elevator up to where the ride was. After about 20 minutes of being in line, we finally got into the elevator and started up. Carly looked up at us and said, "We waited all that time just to get a ride in an elevator?!?" Everyone in the elevator cracked up. Later she asked us, "What language is howdy?" As I scoured my brain trying to figure out in what country they spoke Howdy, she said, "like, Howdy y'all."
Went to packet pickup for the marathon then to the pasta dinner. A nice day. Stayed in "Downtown Disney"

6 January 2006 Hanging out with Mom & Dad & Grandma. We got into Orlando last night and finally got to Mom & Dad's house around midnight.

3 January 2006 Coincidence or not? They extended the USA Patriot Act temporarily to February 3. So, if the day before that the groundhog sees his shadow, will they extend it for six more weeks? Not that I think the government would use that kind of logic, but you never know.